It's been a looooooong week...

Redbeard worked later than normal a couple of days this week; there are always projects that are urgent, due to weather or scheduling this time of year. Unfortunately, that makes my day hideously long (which he completely acknowledges and is apologetic about). He makes up the time today, with a short day, by which time I am a complete jellied mess. What works well for a single guy is completely wrong for a family (he's mostly got that through his head, but sometimes....) My mom suggested that with the past memories (mostly feelings resulting from) that are coming up for me, I might need to lower my expectations about what I can get done during the day. I have been really upset with my inability to live up to my expectations with the housework, keeping my temper and getting dinner ready, while making sure the kids are cared for. I think Mom is right, and I'm a little embarassed I didn't see it myself! [blush] HOWEVER, that's not going to happen today, because our timber bed that we had built for us comes this afternoon. The craftsman is delivering and helping us set it up-- sometimes living out here in the wilds of Montana is a real pain in the arse, but sometimes, it's really wonderful. Nowhere else would you be able to get a heavy custom bed delivered and set up (tax free) for $75-- by the guy who built it! I've got some work to do getting things cleaned up and ready for the frame to go in. Hopefully, the kids can be bribed with some TV, Wii and normally forbidden munchies, so that I can work on it. Redbeard is home at 1:00p; maybe I'll just have him do it instead. Hehe.

Geez-- I haven't updated for, oh....almost 9 months!

I had a baby-- which you might have expected, considering I was hugely pregnant on my last post.

It's a girl, and she's almost 8 months old now. She was 8.15 at birth (huge!); we had a wonderful birth at the local birthing center, and she came fast! Three hours of hee-hee-hooooooo labor and boom: baby in the tub!

How blessed we are with our little family-- all of us healthy, happy and together.

Spring is fast falling back and summer is bursting forth; life abounds (though my tomato plants have not yet gotten the memo).

I'm focused on growth (yes, again!); this time it's also about inwardness, though it's the kind that renews and refreshes so I can come back and nurture everyone that needs it daily. Yes, I mean (fanfare): Time For Myself Away From Everyone! Wow. This is quite a concept and one that I am dancing with, at present.

In typical fashion, I trained my expectations so that I wouldn't be disappointed at not having any time to myself once I had one, then two children. Unfortunately, I learned too well, I think. I've gotten to the point of not expecting any time alone, and it's extinguishing the person I used to be! Obviously, my life is out of balance, and it's time for me to do something about it.

So, forward- march! I think if I can get out the way of myself, things will flow and I can get what I need. I have a very difficult time stepping back and letting things proceed naturally. The illusion of control is very powerful, despite its fallacy... It's one of my challenges. Thank goodness for Al-Anon!

Have a great summer-- I hope to see you sooner, rather than later!