Lethargic much?

Well, yeeeeah... recently anyway! Have had out of town company, Redbeard's mama-- the kids adore her, so it's been a great break for me. It's been kind of interesting to me, to be doing my healing work and processing with someone in the house who doesn't live here full-time. I'm not much accustomed to seeing other people than my intimate, very small circle.

I think part of me decided to put this work on hold for the meantime, until our visitors go home. Or, I've done most of the emotional release (for now) and the processing, writing, and anger stage are in the wings. Hard to find any good time to do that, especially with others around (trust issues from the child sexual trauma).

I'm just letting it be for now. Don't press it, just let things flow.

I feel changes have happened. I'm so much less numb, and my feelings are a lot closer to the surface-- accessible and much more nameable. Interesting. Also, I feel a great capacity to discuss what's going on with me, with the people I trust to do so. (Um, about four? Did I mention the trust issues?)

I feel lighter. I feel more nimble. I'm not eating chocolate as much (sad, huh?). I am having much better communication about my needs AND my boundaries. It's cool. I'm able to have more fun, more easily. I'm not escaping so much. Okay, I am more now, a little, but I always do when we have a visitor. I need time 'alone', and being on the computer is a way to accomplish that without being (totally) antisocial. :)

Amazing, the healing process. Amazing, the stories of survivors. Amazing, the strength of people, well, like me. Every experience, every feeling brought me to where I am now, and I can't be anything but grateful for that. The deep personal growth of this healing work is also something I am grateful for-- and will stop escaping in a couple of weeks when we return to equilibrium. Yes. Now I can stop castigating myself, and just work on enjoying. So, I'm off!!!